infidelity, me?

lychee aka elmo girl aka my super hawt school teacher married friend once said: oh, you just haven’t met the right one.

who or what in the devil’s name is this elusive ‘right one’? short of sticking my dipstick into every girl i meet, there should be another way to know. and i’m pretty sure ‘right one’ doesn’t just mean being amazing in bed. though being amazing in bed do win that girl a stackload of brownie points, lol. oh don’t get me wrong, it was this geek’s childhood schoolboy fantasy to be popular with girls. and thus, dreams came true, i’ve been traded among some of my girlfriends like a man-whore. whispered amongst their girl cliques as the guy that has magic fingers and is an amazing diver. and not to mention the mind boggling meeting-up-in-mmorpgs-to-cyber-with-me or getting offers to go through my anime list at my place at 3am in the morning. i’m not complaining but i can’t help but to go ‘what the hell?!’ sometimes.

i’d like to think i do love. i’m pretty sure i like and adore. but this love thing, i still can’t place my fingers on it. seems that its on par, in the sense of it being a mystery, as the ‘right one’ i feel something, but i doubt it’s as pure and noble as love, because hot animal sex is still an intergral part of that feeling. heh.

but i think inherently, humans are not made for monogamy. polygamy is hard coded into our genes. we were made to choose and spread our geneseeds. period. men sleep around with women that catches his attention and women sleep around with men that catches theirs. subconsciously, its a case of why only have fun with one when you can have fun with many? why limit your choices to one boring stalk when you can flit around and draw nectar from other flowers? why send you car to only one mechanic when other mechanics can and will check your dipstick too? hur hur hur.

technically, even by looking, by entertaining the thought, by playing out a fantasy in you head, no matter how safe, just because you didn’t actually do it, doesn’t mean that you’re not guilty. i’m most definitely not preaching all that is right and what you must do here, for i’m pretty sure i myself is much more flawed than you are. i think my moral codes and values are basically dipping into the negative zones.  for all that i know, the people i slept with over the years could be your girlfriends, sisters, wives or mothers. i’m not proud, to say the least. but i was just following the heart/gut feelings and i’m pretty sure those were all a two way thing.

so, lychee aka elmo girl said i haven’t met the right one. so how in the world do i find this right one? because it pretty much scares me to think that most people i talk to tells me they just grab whomever that’s with them at that moment in time, marry them and get it over with. is it as boring, simple… and fucked up as that?!

but…

i do have women that i would love to marry and spend the rest of my life with. they know who they are. because i’m comfortable with/around them and i adore/like them. well, maybe it is as simple as that after all.

unfortunately, out of the many, i can only pick one. that’s another dilemma in itself. blah.

-depeche mode: only when i lose myself-

2007

10/22

CATEGORY

.all.
.life.

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