Archive for August, 2009

absence of one

singularity. one warm body. one ice cold bed. blinds down to keep out the weekend morning sun. your yesterday’s voice ringing in my ears. happy. contented. husky. your sweat on the sheets and pillow. your smell on the personal items you left behind. your perfume hanging in the stale cigarette smoke laced air of the room. recloose looping on the stereo.

i want my weekends and sundays with you. i want more time with you. i want nights with you, which unfortunately you only spend with him. but of course, i am the third odd number in a even two number equation. i have no right to demand.

i almost always box myself into this kind of situations and i wonder why all the time. first it was her, for 5 years till her engagement… and then her, till she decided to work on her marriage one more time… and now, you.  it’s not like i wake up everyday and tell myself i have to go after the taken, the wanted, the chosen, the unattainable. i am not proud of what i do but i cannot control my heart. and why, pray tell, do they also want to want me back? i could have my pick of the singles and i’m sure they would’ve worked out fine too. but no, of all the people, i had to pick you and you had to pick me, out of all those that wants you. damn.

so it seems someone somewhere up there has a really sick and deviant sense of humour. that seeks to set me on a collision course with a relationship wall. to turn me into an emotional wreckage. normally, i would enjoy this kind of liaisons. not mine, not yours. what is stolen is always sweeter no? i’m not a saint, i’m hardly close to being one. i would have enjoyed this immensely, as i’ve did so many times before. love them. leave them. i would’ve enjoyed this, most definitely, but not when you have already sneaked through the high barb wired electrified fence, charmed the well trained attack dogs, bribed the security guards and unwittingly stolen my well defended heart from under my nose, in my fortified heart-fortress.

vulnerable. i wanted to not fall but i fell deeper than i ever knew i could. amazing. you are such a sly wicked gorgeous creature.

dropkickjudy calls this karma, i just think it’s because i’m too careless and frivolous with my own heart. i rush to give it away at the bat of an eyelash. i rush to give it away to her because she is just oh so fucking perfect. everything that i have ever wanted in a woman. and oh how we click on so many different levels. how we love-hate the same things. how we finish each other’s sentences. how we laugh and smile easy. how we can talk like best of friends. how we can fuck like the oldest of lovers. how she gets all my subtle nuances and meaning, vice versa.

so tell me, judy. how? sighs.

you asked me to give you time, to wait for you. and so i will wait. so i will be here with the blinds down, with your dress, neatly folded, next to my face on the pillow. i will wait with your smell still lingering in the air, with the stereo on loop…

because waiting is the only thing i can ever do, for now, till i sort myself out…

-recloose: absence of one-

turn smile luck

turn lady luck, turn. face me and smile this once. walk to me please. i will do you so good, do you proud. i’m sure you will come back for more. they can tell you how good i am. yes. geeks do try harder.

please pick me this time. you know you want to.

so lady luck, is it my turn to love you yet?

-rainer trüby trio: bad luck-

bullshit-ism

funny how if i don’t give a shit about a presentation or meeting or if i do it last minute, they tend to always turn out better. i kid you not. 2nd presentation, sometimes even a 3rd presentation… and eventually the awarding of the work to me. it’s been happening way too often to be a coincidence.

damn it, it’s either i bullshit really well on a whim or my quotation prices are lower than the other competitors. hmm. but i ‘m still not earning enough, so i guess the latter is the key to this.

i guess it’s time to up the figures in the quotes?*whistles*

KUL/AMS/KUL

leaving on a jet plane. 3 days till i get to see you again.

i guess one of the good things about you not being around most of the time: we’d be too busy crazyloving each other to argue when you come back. perfect yes? *smiles*

last stop, perhaps?

fuck all that. this is it. no more bullshit. just love. as real as it comes.

never knew what someone as amazing as you saw in this but you stood by it and you held my hand anyways. you supported me unconditionally. you believed in me completely.

surprised. confused. elated. i will not let you down. ever.

so it is agreed, this is our last stop? you and me, let us try our best to make this work.

-lamb: lullaby-

KUL/PER/KUL

there she goes, there she goes again.

all this is taking a little getting used to because i’ve always been in relationships with women that’s always close by. and knowing that she will be away at least 15 – 20 days in a month isn’t easy, but i’m pretty sure we will be okay.

so it’s true, absence does make the heart grow fonder.

-aaliyah: let me know(isley brothers cover)-

the beer sage speaks

i was told this over beer at Library earlier: no expectations, no disappointments. first and foremost always place yourself above anything else, safeguard your heart and then everything will be fine.

and thus the Beer Sage has spoken.

easier said than done, you fucker… easier said than done… lol.

-nina simone: since i fell for you-