Archive for June, 2009

sitting waiting wishing


-digicamography, photoshop-

one thing about trees, they make pretty interesting photography subjects. no two are the same. no two tilt the same way. no two have foliage like each other. no two grow the same way. no two are the same height.

they don’t fidget. they don’t get giggly. they don’t whine when you take too long to compose a shot. they don’t moan if you snap them from their bad angle.

they’re patient. they stay put. they face the same angle for years and years. they wait forever. well, almost…

even trees get tired of waiting…

and they die.

-jack johnson: sitting waiting wishing-



friday night and i was hoping a good time with alcohol and strangers would ease this restlessness.  i was introduced and thoroughly hooked from the word hi. her hands on my lap. her come hither laughs. there would be a time i would have already jumped her. my physical reactions says yes but it seems flirtations and kisses from a beautiful stranger don’t seems to work as well as i hope it should. i shouldn’t have said no to her when she offered, but it seems so much like this is a dance that is headed for a swandive into the pavements 33 floors below.

a friend once said: waking up the next morning awkward sometimes is better than waking up all alone. true. i have been waking up alone for far too many nights.

though now in this case i am sure i am not what she really wants and she is definitely not what i need.



-digicamography, photoshop-

pictures and i have fallen…

-slowdive: souvlaki space station-

if only

had a meeting downtown yesterday and the usually scorching skies decided to let down a torrent of water. right after i stepped off the train and was prepping myself for the 10 mins walk in the unforgiving sun to the client’s office.

fuck. facepalm

so there i was,  plodding along the way to kl bar, with my laptop as a rain shield (thankfully which is protected in a waterproof carry case), i came across a lawyer headed in the same direction i was. we were both rushing through the traffic, trying our best to get out of the rain as fast as possible. after a short bout of weaving through the traffic, we walked into the lobby, slightly drenched and stepped into the waiting lift. we both reached for the same button and she instinctively backed her hand away. i looked at her, smiled and she half nodded and smiled back. pretty young thing. too bad she’s a lawyer *laughs*

the awkward silence in the decade old lift made the ride up feel even longer. i took the chance to check her out. i watched her from the corner of my eye as she brushed away the last of the rain that is clinging onto her body. she patted down her blouse and skirt and i can’t help but to notice what is behind the semi transparent wetness. self-aware that i allowed my gaze to linger a bit longer than i should have; i looked away and cleared my throat.

looking at this lawyer here reminded me of her. i wonder if this is what she would be wearing to work. simple. attractive. made much more interesting by the rain, of course. a hint of make up, not too heavy. flutter flutter mascara eyelashes. glossed full lips catching the light. shiny. delicious. this could be her. i see this girl here, this should be her. if only…

*ding* the door slid open and i stepped back and motioned for her to go first.

‘thank you’, she said. a small, sweet voice. i just smiled.

and we parted ways.

-boards of canada: chromakey dreamcoat-

guilty (as charged)

she said: is it cheating if it’s just voices and images on the computer screen?

he said: for me? i’m the wrong person to ask when it comes to these things *smiles* well no, unless… you follow up with real physical contact?

she said: physical contact? heh, i guess we’re all guilty as charged then…

he said: *nods*

-gin blossoms: found out about you-



digicamography, photoshop-


long after all the people have left, i continued to cycle between the pause-flickers and the sinusoidal hum. the almost complete silence, pierced by the hypnotic hum of my wheels hurtling across the paved road. the unknown fear in my gut as i zoomed across the pitch dark zones and the ease as i sailed into the lighted area. this loneliness, this eerie almostsilence and light-dark-light plays havoc on my mind.

this is not the path that i wanted, but my choices in life has led me here.

this is my sine wave. i hope i have hit rock bottom, so it can only be up from this point onwards.



‘you got lazy’, she said.

i looked over, ‘hmm? what?’

‘you’, she raised her voice slightly, ‘got lazy’, she waved her index finger at my bike.

‘ah yes, that. well you know, i was mentally preoccupied. i am not in one piece lately. i am all over the bloody place. cycling is the last thing on my mind now’, i said and she nodded slowly.

she looked down and fiddled with the laces of her sneakers, ‘you know maybe i should start cycling or running again’

‘maybe you should’, i said, ‘ i know i should continue. well maybe when i gather enough of myself to start pedaling again’

‘funny how relationships makes us lax sometimes. when i am with him, all i could think of is spending time, hanging out with that ass. and i neglected my running and gym routines’, she looked over with a smirk on her face.

‘complacency i guess, when you’re already with someone? furthermore you look great. all those running and gym time did ‘sculpt’ you into one helluva hot babe. and helped you bag one helluva guy!’, i nudged her lightly and grinned.

she laughed and nodded, ‘yes i guess so…’