Archive for May, 2009

mer de noms: evie


-webcamography, photoshop-

i dreamt of evie yesterday. it was so real. i felt and heard you, just like you’re next to me. just like those good old days…


our relationship was a simple thing. we’re content, seeing each other through our online avatars and catching up through the long winded, narrative emails that we were fond of writing. we were two gamer geeks who enjoyed meeting up daily, happily riding around on our virtual horses, in our virtual world and slaying creatures together.

and when you found out the wonders of web cams, it quickly became your favorite pass time. we always used to leave it on the whole night, pointed at each other direction. being a daft young lad, i once wondered why and asked you. you had this exasperated look on your face before replying: so when we sleep we can be close to each other, with an ever so adorable grin on your face. and that made me smile inside and out, a supernova in my heart…

i laughed and told you i snore pretty loudly, but you said you don’t mind. your father and brother snored too and you can hear them through the walls on some quiet nights. you added: at least i know you are still there. and every morning through a sleepy haze, i would hear you blow a kiss and whisper ‘bye bye baby’ as you left for work. sometimes when sleep eludes us, we would call out for each other and talk beneath the sheets till the morning birds starts chirping outside our windows. and as we grew more comfortable with each other, we grew braver. bolder. oh how the low light of your room clothed you in seductive shadows. how the darkness plays hide and seek with your curves. titillating…

the web cam became a much more interesting tool. i began to get used to… no, needed this. it’s comforting and soothing. to be able to see you every night.  it’s like having you here next to me even though we’re hundreds of miles apart…

so i wonder why you crept into my mind again yesterday? life slowly pulled us apart. we are distant strangers now. we grew up. we moved on. new friends. new jobs. new relationships. now, my web cam has grown dusty out of disuse, hidden in a box somewhere in the room. my mailbox is missing your emails and i lost count of how many times i have reread all that you wrote to me…

it was good to ‘see’ you again. flashes of yesteryears. compiled, summarised. playing back in my dreams. maybe i will see you again tonight. maybe not. but ever the more reason to catch up i guess. i should stop pondering and write you that long, narrative email. to many years has passed between us and too little has been said…



‘Nearly all men can stand adversity, if you want to test a man’s character; give him power’

-Abraham Lincoln

during a drinking session with the friends, a good point was brought up when the topic on conversation moved on to the tv series, heroes. we were all heatedly discussing the episodes, plot loop holes and what super powers we would take. don’t ask why, i guess it’s a man-boy thing.

i hushed the bickering crowd and said: having the power is the least of your worries. how would you use it? that is a different thing all together.

everybody sat quietly for awhile and thought. i was not surprised to hear that all of them will use it for their own gains. i understand the whole ‘good and you must do good’ ideology but i as a person am not so noble. i will always put in priority those closest to me over the general populace. also, me being emphatic, i tend to also always see things from the other side. i tend to dissect their whys and rationalise their reasoning.

and at the end of the day, i will definitely find myself standing more in the shade than out in the lights.

-rolling stones: sympathy for the devil-


it was one of those middle of the week, long days being stuck in an equally long and boring meeting.

i lost track of the presentation and was spacing out for a moment, when my ears picked up the line: ‘… and yes we would definitely like to highlight watersports as our main activities… ‘

of course this wealthy, well versed, suited gentleman was talking about his development plans in terms of yachting and sailing, and was definitely not talking about what my filthy mind was thinking about. i couldn’t help but stifle a laughter with a masked cough and cleared my throat. i looked around, wondering if i was the only one that was enjoying the personal joke and was pleasantly surprised to see the lady from the other team who is in charge of jotting down the minutes of the meeting shook her head smiling and nodded ever so slightly to me, knowingly.

interesting. it seems beneath all that prim and proper office attire lies a fellow deviant after all.


jogging through my mp3 player, a girl friend once commented,  ‘interesting choices of tracks. the deftones and mew i can understand but i never knew you to be the one that listens to emo chinese songs’ she looked up from the screen and flashed me a smirk.

‘well, why limit music choices? good music is at the end of the day, good music, in any language. no matter if i understand it wholly or not. and anyways, i just love how emotive and expressive the chinese language can be with a few simple arrangement of words. it’s rife with word plays and nuances’

‘yea, that is true’, she continued to shuffle through the tracks for awhile before saying, ‘this is an interesting choice. you know the meaning behind the lyrics i supposed?’ she flipped the screen towards me and i squinted my eyes, tracing out the particular track that her index finger is pointing to.

i nodded.

‘so, heart or body?’, she asked, which i know was part of the lyrics from the chorus of the song.

‘hmm’, i pondered. ‘it used to be body when i was younger. then, heart is only for fools when bodies were willing and easy. why complicate it with heart when all we wanted was a little fun, no strings attached?’, i paused.

‘but?’, she added.

‘but then as i grow older, i find heart much more important than body. how can you lay claim to love or a relationship if there is no heart in it?’, i said, trailing off.

‘and nowadays…?’, the question left hanging on purpose, as she waited on my reply.

‘you know dear… that is a very very good question. trying everything and not getting anywhere, i am really really not so sure anymore nowadays…’

she sighed, nodded agreeably with me and we both sat in almost silence, as music trickled from the headphones in her hands.

-王菲 :不留-


i am tired of these games. so i rather not play. if by not playing, i lose out… then i rather lose than be dragged around in circles, up and down, over and under… and back to square one again. rewind a few years, i’ll gladly do this dance with you. i’ll gladly be one of the adoring sheep that you string along for shit and giggles. but now game time is over for me. you are not as important as you make yourself to be.

thank you. goodbye.

-3oh!3: don’t trust me-


walls built too high and too thick. i got carried away.

now i gotta figure out how to tear it down carefully without taking everything else around it to hell.




-digicamography, photoshop-

goddamnit, i have an immense craving for some chomptastic モスライスバーガー 海鮮かきあげ now. and the only place that i can get to some is 300+ km south across the causeway. bummer… =__=;