Archive for September, 2009

the heart


-digicamography, tattoo, photoshop-



fly safe gorgeous. come back home soon.

essays in love

If the fall into love happened so rapidly, it is perhaps because the wish to love has preceded the beloved – the need has invented its solution. The appearance of the beloved is only the second stage of a prior [but largely unconscious] need to love someone – our hunger for love moulding their features, our desire crystallizing around them. [But the honest side of us will never let the deception go unchallenged. There will always be moments when we will doubt whether our lover exists in reality or as we imagine them in our minds – or whatever they are not just a hallucination we have invented to prevent the inevitable loveless collapse.]

‘Essays in love’ – Alain de Botton

the set up

it’s another weekend, another dinner and i smell another set up. again. Its funny that when you’re single, people deem its necessary for them to hook you up with their other single girl friends.

“Anyways, I have this [insert positive physical adjectives] friend of mine that you should meet…”

my much respected friends, don’t get me wrong, i am flattered that you all think that i am worthy enough to be introduced to your girl friends, really. i enjoy meeting new people and the conversations. i enjoy the wine and dine. and i especially enjoy the company of you all but i think i should stress that there should be a certain guidelines that should be in place when in comes to who you think i will be interested in. most importantly, by now you guys should know what i look for in my women. as much as i want and need what i want and need, i think giving and taking it from someone i just cannot connect with would not be right. right?

and so i was chastised for being too picky, too choosy. that i should just screw it all (pun intended, ha ha) and give it a go. give it a try and regret later. hmm funny, since when you guys think like me? *laughs*

well maybe i am none of the above. maybe i have already set my mind on who i want. maybe i am just waiting for that special someone. jj calls me a painfully loyal emoboy. i guess i am; to a fault. i just can’t explain what is this impossible hold this particular person has over me and why am i waiting so stubbornly. in some ways, i promised that i will wait and give her time, and so i will… you know my promise is gold, afterall.

she once said: what we have here is a bunny thing *smiles*

and i guess only bunnies can understand it right, tgm?

-after 7: ready or not-

it’s the alcohol speaking

happy hour at 5pm. high at 6pm. drunk at 7:30pm. dinner at 9pm. seems like i got my priorities backwards. dinner-supper on a stomach full of alcohol tastes like crap and is uncomfortable to say the least. ugh. getting back into the agency gear, i always forget it’s all about merry making and boozing at the end of the work day. and food… well, is always something to be puked out anyways.

so it seems i’ve already been delegated my ‘wife’. don’t get me wrong, being an AD we’re always paired up with a copywriter, which we all affectionately call ‘wife’. because whatever we do from this point onwards will be together. we sit, we brainstorm, we write and we create together.

and so i find my ‘wife’ a bit on the quiet side but apparently she writes well, so that’s a good thing. well maybe she’s shy and i’m too brash, as usual. i was told by my future workmates that she’s a woman of few spoken words, to which she smiled; but she’s eloquent with the quill. hmm, okay, point taken. i can work with that. a woman that only talks when she needs to *chuckles*

so we shall see how this gig goes. the people here seems a bit too decent to be from an agency. very unlike those that i’m used to working with. i’m not saying that it’s bad being decent but i guess you can only gauge the real them when the fun and alcohol takes over *laughs*

so, three more weeks till i start. the clock counts down and i have a few drinking sessions with them lined up all the way till i actually start work.

great. just when i thought i didn’t need AA… hello fun times, goodbye kidneys and liver…


more ticks and more tocks. more walls, more nonchalance and more indifference.

so guess i won’t be seeing you for quite awhile more.

this is a bad place to be. caught between respecting the time and space you need, and wanting to see you ever so badly. but your needs and situations outweighs mine tremendously. i hope you sort things out soon…

not(only) because i need to see you but you deserve a respite after all the things you went through lately. as much as i fucking miss you like ‘ki siao’, i think my love, respect, understanding and all those other sappy adjectives for you outweighs the need to set my longing eyes and arms on you, for now.

so. i. will. wait.

that weekender

i’m bad at taking advices so it’s no wonder that people do not(really) listen to the ones that i give. or maybe i should stop giving the same advices to my friends that set me down my own self-destructive path. now that’s a thought.

ok babes, remember… you just go into this thing, have fun and get out. ok? deal? no emotional attachments ok? you sure you can do it right? right? ok go enjoy yourself then… *smiles*

it’s perplexing how quick emotional attachment can happen. the age old battle between emotion and logic. you tell yourself that it’s only a few hours, a few days and they won’t be around anymore. you pre-condition yourself think that this is only a ‘thing’, a ‘weekender’ and you will never see them again, at least not anytime soon. you take a deep breath, walk through the threshold and go into this with that thought in mind, and you think you will be safe.

and it only takes you one glance, one smile, one hi to crash and burn…

so stop building walls too high and shutting the rest of us out. you will heal in time, drinkrantdrunk girl friend.