Archive for March, 2009

electrolysis

‘are you in the water yet?’, she asked.

the thunder of the winds and roar of the incoming waves temporarily masked my voice , ‘uhuh. yep. both feet firmly planted in the waters of the good old south china sea’

‘good. i have my feet in the sea too. so… can you feel me?’, i hear a pause of hesitation in her voice.

‘what? *laughs* feel you? uh, i am gonna say no, haha… but i’m sure the answer you’re looking for is yes? *chuckle*’

‘ass! *laughs* you are so unromantic!’, i sensed a hint of disappointment lacing her forced laughter.

my mind worked fast thinking of a save, ‘in theory, our bodies generate too little electricity for the electrolysis process to occur at such a long distance, haha. moreover, electricity can never pinpoint a singular target over a body of water. it goes in all direction!’

‘not funny! oh don’t get all scientific on me mister brainiac! a simple ‘yes i can feel you’ is all i am asking for *laughs*’, she retorted.

i grinned, ‘ you know what would be better than this huge ocean between us? you, me and nothing else, in a hot tub of salt water… mmm mmm, haha’

”hmmm, you got a point there. less water, more connection, oh yes definitely~’

and we both laughed heartily at the notion of that elusive salt water hot tub session. if i could i would. long distance is such a bother and i was never made for this. though i can’t deny and i would never tell you that i do feel a hint of electrolysis between you and me.

but i’m sure, that won’t be enough to drive us to the next level, so i won’t tie you down with this uncertainty. because i know you are a physical creature, just like me.

let go

all in all, it was a great trip. and i managed to keep my hands to myself and not share a bed with you. funny, it’s so easy for my heart to let go, i find it quite scary. i look at you now and just see a normal friend. a good thing yes?

seriously, there’s you, you, you and you. i do not know who i miss more, but in truth, no matter how much i think i have let QY go, iĀ  still can’t her feel a twang of heartache whenever i see her. so she has thought me the painful way that gratitude cannot grow into everlasting love after all.

ah well. move on move on.

-level 42: why are you leaving-

heck it

met a very interesting girl today. her optimism towards freelance and life in general pretty much gave me a wake up call of sorts. i sat there and listened to her plans, her ideas and can’t help but to agree and think that this girl is on to something. maybe i am getting too old for optimisms, but i sure as hell can’t help but feel buoyed by her upbeat outlook on things even as shitty as it in nowadays. and she got me thinking about all my stalled ideas and kiv projects, how i should just heck it and give it a go. gotta quit all these feet dragging, definitely.

or maybe… just maybe i was listening to her so attentively because she’s such a fucking cute bespectacled geek girl. and she’s one half of an identical twins too. oh my gosh haha.

(launches google, whips out sketchbook and starts doodling)

-crystal method: now is the time-

one good thing

TGF said: you’re the way you are because things hasn’t been going your way for a very long time. probably you just need one good thing to happen.

yes, one good thing. one, such a simple number. i just want that one good thing, that one good key puzzle piece and everything else will fall into place and fit perfectly.

just give me that one good thing. please.

choices

fuckfuckityfuckfuck. godamnit.

NIN vs Coldplay. Coldplay vs NIN.

gosh, i fucking hate making choices. i hate to pick one from another, especially when i want to do both. this is insanely last minute but i pretty much made up my mind after thinking about it long and hard. i’m pretty sure i’m gonna piss off more than a few person with this.

so it shall be Fort Canning Park Singapore, 10th August instead of Singapore Indoor Arena, 23rd March.

*sighs* sorry?

stupid angry stupid

true story.

people say stupid things when they’re angry which makes them say angry things because they’re (momentarily?) stupid. but in between those words of anger filled stupidity, lies a certain kind of truth and clarity. and if words could be retracted and exchanged. blendered and porridged. sugar coated and marzipaned. then those words would be meaningless and useless babbles in the end.

left hand bitter pill, right hand bitter pill. so speak now or forever hold your silence.

and so it was said.

run

I was having a light conversation about Pablo Neruda’s writings with Jasmine a while back. Now this was a writer we both could relate to because his poetry just oozes immense longing and love lost. And there is this particular poem we both have a liking for and every time we read it, it puts a hint of ache in our hearts:

———————————————————————————————–
SADDEST POEM
============
I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.

Write, for instance: “The night is full of stars,
and the stars, blue, shiver in the distance.”

The night wind whirls in the sky and sings.

I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

On nights like this, I held her in my arms.
I kissed her so many times under the infinite sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her.
How could I not have loved her large, still eyes?

I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
To think I don’t have her. To feel that I’ve lost her.

To hear the immense night, more immense without her.
And the poem falls to the soul as dew to grass.

What does it matter that my love couldn’t keep her.
The night is full of stars and she is not with me.

That’s all. Far away, someone sings. Far away.
My soul is lost without her.

As if to bring her near, my eyes search for her.
My heart searches for her and she is not with me.

The same night that whitens the same trees.
We, we who were, we are the same no longer.

I no longer love her, true, but how much I loved her.
My voice searched the wind to touch her ear.

Someone else’s. She will be someone else’s. As she once
belonged to my kisses.
Her voice, her light body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, true, but perhaps I love her.
Love is so short and oblivion so long.

Because on nights like this I held her in my arms,
my soul is lost without her.

Although this may be the last pain she causes me,
and this may be the last poem I write for her.
———————————————————————————————–

Halfway through the conversation, she popped me a surprising question:

“Say Seth… would you run away with me? Just the 2 of us to Chile, to his birth village and watch the sun set/rise on the place he grew up in or to Argentina and hang out at his favorite cafe, drinking coffee and smoking cigars. Would you do that for me? Run away with me and leave everything behind?”

I thought about it and smiled, “I WOULD.. you know I will.. I’m a hardcore romanticist like that *laughs* That is if I’ve gotten my priorities in place…”

“Oh? And what would you priorities be?”

“Well, lets just say.. a few million in the bank. Have to make sure when I come back after 10 years of traveling… I won’t have to work my ass off just to get by in my old age. And a few sons to carry on the family name, heck I’m a traditionalist like that…”

She laughed, “Well I guess in that case.. it will be never then!~”

“Well never is kinda premature and harsh conclusion”, I added, “maybe later, when we’re 40 or something…” I rolled my eyes and smiled.

She laughed harder this time, “What… and leave my kids and husband behind? Well, that is IF I do get married at all and IF you could, if you’re married then, drag yourself away from your family!~”

We both laughed emotively at our own glowing monitor and sat back silently to absorb the idea. Maybe… just maybe we would make it happen one day, because longinglovedesire is a two way thing after all…

-Track Of The Day: No Doubt – Running-