farewell tomorrow

tomorrow, tomorrow. there’s always tomorrow.

that is what we would always say when we could not find the time meet up. there is always tomorrow, we would say with a laugh and smile. we can always meet up soon, no rush at all. but as they bathed you, prayed over your body and placed you into the ground, i wonder how many tomorrows have i wasted? wasted not meeting up for that cup of tea when i could have? wasted not saying hi or hello, even over the phone?

and now, tomorrow will never come…

how do you help bury one of your best girl friend? a good friend’s wife? a mother to a young beautiful daughter? what words have you to give a grieving husband? what can a ‘pakcik’ do for a weeping young one pining for her mother? only words and words seems so inadequate now…

oh how my heart broke when i heard the news. it was not the trickle of a stream nor a falling of a soft summer rain but a great big angry torrent of anguish and loss…

atie, i still remember the times where we would sit, smoke and chat in the stairwell. how we share our own lives, loves and problems over a few good puffs and a whole lot of good talk and sound advices. i miss those easy, simpler times. i miss it so much.

i am so sorry i let life get the best of me. i am sure you would be aghast at what i have become. i am so tired and lost. so many things i would like to say to you now and ask you what would you do if you were in my place. i long for those good advices you used to give me. i wish we could talk like before. i would love to hear your voice again. there is still so many things left unsaid…

so, i will see you very soon my dear old friend. and we can have our ‘rokok, sembang and urut leher’ session again.

i miss you so so much already atie…

innalillahi wainna ilaihi roji’un…

al-fatihah…

amin…

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