not the one

‘you are not the one i want…’

those are not the exact words i said but it was pretty much somewhere along those lines. harsh i know but you can’t really sugar coat a rejection can you? at the end of it all, it is still a thorn wrapped with words, a candy coated bitter pill. i looked up from my coffee and tried to scan her face for some, any emotion. for a break in the stone cold silence between us, punctuated only by the occasional tinkle of the doorbell as customers walked in and out of the bistro.

there was none.

maybe she’s just as good at hiding her hurt as she is being sunshiny happy all the time. being the positive friend, always trying to cheer me up. always saying good things, feeding my heart. i know. i know but i refuse to accept her advances. because she is not the one.

and suddenly she smiled a smile that i have never seen before. A painful smile,  ‘but she’s not being fair to you is she? why do you wait? she is missing seth. she is selfish. and now… now you’re being selfish to m-… to yourself…’

i have no reply to that. i just sighed and shook my head. i guess i am indeed selfish, as she says. I am selfish, like her to me. I refuse to let her go, and in some ways, i refuse to let this go too. i know i am unfairly leeching off this but this here… she refuses to let go as well…

sometimes there are lines that should not be crossed. and unfortunately i value you more as a good friend. how i tiptoed around the topic when you approached it earnestly. how i pretended when you were forward.  i know, with our words said, there can be no turning back. i might even lose you as a friend now. but my dear, i cannot love you the way you want me to love you.

oh what a messed up circle we paint ourselves in to…

Advertisements
    • maplesyrup21
    • October 21st, 2009

    very deep

  1. No trackbacks yet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: