almost

and i did what i wanted to do with you. almost.

day trip to the beach. hand in hand. toes in the sand. counting ships in the distance. guessing their port of origin and the next destination.

running away together to another country, another place. you and me in a place where nobody knows us. we hold hands and blend right in and be nobody to the masses. except that we’re somebody to each other in our little shared world.

the simplicity of grocery shopping like a long married couple. pushing the cart together. laughing, smiling. choosing fish or meat to cook tonight. white or red wine to go with it.

a weekend valentines brunch before you head off to dinner with him. and one last shared intimate moment with you. god, you were so beautiful that day.

countless dinners and movies over the years. those many hours in close proximity. electricity.

trading many gifts of adoration and pieces of our hearts. connecting on a physical and mental level in so many ways for so many days.

you are not mine but i did what i wanted to do with you. well almost everything. and i am almost happy. i love(d) you. i have yet to truly say goodbye and i know i will have to soon. you read me here and so i shall say goodbye in writing first, before i sum up enough courage and piece together enough of myself to cushion my heart to say it verbally to you, face to face.

so goodbye. you are still a very very very good friend, the best of friend indeed. it would be callous and foolish on my part to shut you out completely from my life.  but those dear parts of you that you shared with me.. your body and your soul… which you can never shared again here on after, will oh so definitely be dearly missed…

goodbye you. i love(d) you.

-telefon tel aviv: i lied-

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