reflective retrospective

it’s the last day of the year and as with everybody else, i am feeling a tad retrospective and melancholic. it’s human nature i guess. one cannot help but rewind and reflect, be reminded and ponder on the ‘other paths’ and the implications of another multiple ‘if-then-else’ choices.

i was never a lucky person to begin with. i want to be. i tried. but lady luck is one of the girls that i could never tame. god knows how hard i tried and it’s still difficult for me to look back and be reminded of that eight digit bank account that i could have had, might have had and wonder how my life will be wonderfully different if i had it. i don’t deny the fact that i live my life chasing for monetary pleasures but now i make do by just being like any other normal person. i am a shakaijin, pushing forward, working at it one day at a time. call me a fool but till today i still chase for that fictional pot of gold at the end of that elusive rainbow. i guess a fool will always be a fool and old habits do really die hard.

i was never a lucky person to begin with. i want to be. i tried. but love is something that is mysterious to me. i reckon i am too much of a free spirit. but with that said, as frivolous and fleeting my feelings are, i do love. i try and put my whole heart and being in, sometimes just a little too much. and when i disengage, voluntarily or not, i leave many pieces of me behind. my normal girls, my good girls, my special girls… i love all my girls. from sabah, sarawak, kl, ipoh, singapore, changrai, shanghai, london, osaka and the list grows. too far, too soon, too messy, too little, too much. i always entangle my heart and complicate my reasons. i am addicted to loving and being loved. but as my hawtwritermuse says to me: ‘always take what you can get and give what you can afford’ well said babe and that is how i shall steer my heart from now on.

and so it’s the last day of the year and everybody is feeling reflective retrospective. so many things has happened to me this year, more bad than good, but forever forward i shall go. if there was a backtrack or rewind button, i would’ve already worn it thin from frequent usage. so here we’re all walking forward while looking behind. i hope fate and chance would be kind enough to deal me a good hand in 09. as bleak as the outlook for next year is, i wish you all out there the best in life, love and money. and if there’s no love for you, then fuck it. you all get out there and live your life to the fullest for yourself. and work towards the money too, of course ^^

-asian kung fu generation: rewrite- (アジアン・カンフー・ジェネレーション: リライト)

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