thank you

hey you

would it help any if i said sorry for everything?

.and so you came back into my life.

funny how you build yourself up for that big moment, how you steel your mind and heart for the impact. and when it comes, it’s like an anti climax. you’d expect a ragnarok… a universe ending big bang. but in actual fact, it’s more like a sigh of relief. i expected myself to hate you. i expected that i would slap you and stare you down . that i would curse at you at the top of my voice.

but no.

all i feel is a sense of relief, a weight has been lifted off my heart… and closure. i know we can never get back to where we were before. and it’s a waste really don’t you think? i loved you with my whole being; my body, my heart and my soul. i loved you too much, too soon, too fast. i’d be lying if i said i had no more feeling for you. i still do, but it’s not the soul burning flame that it was before. it’s not the mind blowing adoration that it was before. it’s not the unconditional sacrifice that it was before.

and that is a good thing.

so, we never did start something, eventhough we had something wonderful there, something that had so much potential to grow into something beautiful. so you were gone for awhile, and now you’re back. you’re doing well and i am glad for you. and that is all i need to know.

thank you, e.

-howie day: she says-

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    • Anaesthesia
    • November 11th, 2007

    =)

    i see you got what your heart always sought for, all this while.

    i hope that lifts some of that burden off your soul.

    • Anaesthesia
    • November 11th, 2007

    oh yeah and big big hugs… pedobear. doesn’t matter that i’m legal now, the decade-wide age gap between us hasn’t narrowed at all LOL.

    • .gothikt.
    • November 12th, 2007

    yeah, guess i can go on with my life now eh? it does in a way, ‘release’ me…

    *laughs* true, the decade wide gap is still there, eventhough you’re legal now, heh. i guess i’ll always be your pedobear eh? haha *hugs back*

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