lost

never felt so lost, so many times, in such a short period, for a very long time… matters of life, work and the heart all smushed up into one big ball of confusion. the fear, the regret. it’s sad how impossible it is to recover from a wrong step made, career and love-wise. how i wonder if the other path would be better than this? it could be worse but it doesn’t help that i constantly replay what ifs in my head. and my what ifs always looks better than this real life. i mean they should, since they’re a form of escape anyways. and thus i live half of my waking life daydreaming of a better chance/choice and i spend my sleeping hours having nightmares of my real life…

fucking wonderful…

-moby: why does my heart feel so bad-

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