You are currently browsing the monthly archive for September 2009.
-digicamography, tattoo, photoshop-
fly safe gorgeous. come back home soon.
If the fall into love happened so rapidly, it is perhaps because the wish to love has preceded the beloved – the need has invented its solution. The appearance of the beloved is only the second stage of a prior [but largely unconscious] need to love someone – our hunger for love moulding their features, our desire crystallizing around them. [But the honest side of us will never let the deception go unchallenged. There will always be moments when we will doubt whether our lover exists in reality or as we imagine them in our minds - or whatever they are not just a hallucination we have invented to prevent the inevitable loveless collapse.]
‘Essays in love’ – Alain de Botton
it’s another weekend, another dinner and i smell another set up. again. Its funny that when you’re single, people deem its necessary for them to hook you up with their other single girl friends.
“Anyways, I have this [insert positive physical adjectives] friend of mine that you should meet…”
my much respected friends, don’t get me wrong, i am flattered that you all think that i am worthy enough to be introduced to your girl friends, really. i enjoy meeting new people and the conversations. i enjoy the wine and dine. and i especially enjoy the company of you all but i think i should stress that there should be a certain guidelines that should be in place when in comes to who you think i will be interested in. most importantly, by now you guys should know what i look for in my women. as much as i want and need what i want and need, i think giving and taking it from someone i just cannot connect with would not be right. right?
and so i was chastised for being too picky, too choosy. that i should just screw it all (pun intended, ha ha) and give it a go. give it a try and regret later. hmm funny, since when you guys think like me? *laughs*
well maybe i am none of the above. maybe i have already set my mind on who i want. maybe i am just waiting for that special someone. jj calls me a painfully loyal emoboy. i guess i am; to a fault. i just can’t explain what is this impossible hold this particular person has over me and why am i waiting so stubbornly. in some ways, i promised that i will wait and give her time, and so i will… you know my promise is gold, afterall.
she once said: what we have here is a bunny thing *smiles*
and i guess only bunnies can understand it right, tgm?
-after 7: ready or not-
happy hour at 5pm. high at 6pm. drunk at 7:30pm. dinner at 9pm. seems like i got my priorities backwards. dinner-supper on a stomach full of alcohol tastes like crap and is uncomfortable to say the least. ugh. getting back into the agency gear, i always forget it’s all about merry making and boozing at the end of the work day. and food… well, is always something to be puked out anyways.
so it seems i’ve already been delegated my ‘wife’. don’t get me wrong, being an AD we’re always paired up with a copywriter, which we all affectionately call ‘wife’. because whatever we do from this point onwards will be together. we sit, we brainstorm, we write and we create together.
and so i find my ‘wife’ a bit on the quiet side but apparently she writes well, so that’s a good thing. well maybe she’s shy and i’m too brash, as usual. i was told by my future workmates that she’s a woman of few spoken words, to which she smiled; but she’s eloquent with the quill. hmm, okay, point taken. i can work with that. a woman that only talks when she needs to *chuckles*
so we shall see how this gig goes. the people here seems a bit too decent to be from an agency. very unlike those that i’m used to working with. i’m not saying that it’s bad being decent but i guess you can only gauge the real them when the fun and alcohol takes over *laughs*
so, three more weeks till i start. the clock counts down and i have a few drinking sessions with them lined up all the way till i actually start work.
great. just when i thought i didn’t need AA… hello fun times, goodbye kidneys and liver…
more ticks and more tocks. more walls, more nonchalance and more indifference.
so guess i won’t be seeing you for quite awhile more.
this is a bad place to be. caught between respecting the time and space you need, and wanting to see you ever so badly. but your needs and situations outweighs mine tremendously. i hope you sort things out soon…
not(only) because i need to see you but you deserve a respite after all the things you went through lately. as much as i fucking miss you like ‘ki siao’, i think my love, respect, understanding and all those other sappy adjectives for you outweighs the need to set my longing eyes and arms on you, for now.
so. i. will. wait.
i’m bad at taking advices so it’s no wonder that people do not(really) listen to the ones that i give. or maybe i should stop giving the same advices to my friends that set me down my own self-destructive path. now that’s a thought.
ok babes, remember… you just go into this thing, have fun and get out. ok? deal? no emotional attachments ok? you sure you can do it right? right? ok go enjoy yourself then… *smiles*
it’s perplexing how quick emotional attachment can happen. the age old battle between emotion and logic. you tell yourself that it’s only a few hours, a few days and they won’t be around anymore. you pre-condition yourself think that this is only a ‘thing’, a ‘weekender’ and you will never see them again, at least not anytime soon. you take a deep breath, walk through the threshold and go into this with that thought in mind, and you think you will be safe.
and it only takes you one glance, one smile, one hi to crash and burn…
so stop building walls too high and shutting the rest of us out. you will heal in time, drinkrantdrunk girl friend.
wish you would step back from that ledge my friend…
i see so much of carl and allison in us. our parallels on celluloid. the monotony and his change for the better. she is so you with her outrageous wit, bohemian charm and infectious spirit. how they’re totally fun, spontaneous and random when together. crazy high chemistry, just like you and me.
there’s so much similarities.
especially their/our fears.
i think it’s only normal to get bogged down in life by things beyond our control. we can do this. i know you. well at least i would like to think i know the you that shared me your dreams, wishes and fears. the things we spoke of, what we planned to do. don’t let them only be just words. let’s do this, take a chance… let’s be scared and cynical together. you have me and i so want to have you.
i am very sure two will make it through.
let’s fuck it all and get the next random flight to where ever. i’ll take you to the next football game in manchester, definitely none of that american football nonsense. let’s walk through the green fields, run in the rain and take shelter in a barn if it gets too heavy. let’s take the heads off some chickens, i promise i won’t faint. let’s find a shooting range and shoot something. as irritating and persistent i can be sometimes, just please try not to aim the gun at me, ok? *smiles*
i’ve known that i like you for awhile. but just now, i decided, that i…
-munchausen by proxy: yes man-
it tastes like there’s a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
received that sms from a friend a few minutes back. not exactly the party that i would want to be at. ugh. but then it seems where i am now is heading in that direction soon.
ice breaking session and drinking with future colleagues; i forgot how alcohol immersed is the advertising line, well until tonight that is. starting on the new job in a few weeks time but it seems drinking and having fun is a bigger priority. i see no harm in this logic. i enjoy the free booze and alcohol is always a great lubricator when it comes to connecting with new people. especially those that you will have to work with soon.
so yea, i want to tell you that i got the job and i’m giving it a go. not paying as well as when we discussed about it but i’ll do it anyways. it’s a start right? something is better than nothing. i might not get hawaiian macadamias but at least i don’t get chinese restaurants peanuts. so yeah, my scope of work is this same ‘new’ old thing i’ve been doing awhile now. just so happens with this company i’ll have my own team to run, i have to be more active, be a front liner and be out there. so in some ways, i’ve been issued a significant challenge to move out of my comfort zone.
let us see where this takes me…
on another note, let’s hope there’s no road blocks, the least of my worries, or walls/barricades that decide to suddenly appear in my path on the way home… hic!
-digicamography, photoshop-
what a dreary day or rather the past few days has been.
i hate these long rain spells. i can’t run, i can’t cycle. on the contrary, i love running/cycling in the rain but this deluge is a bit too draggy and too heavy for that.
pitter patter. looking out the window, looking at the rain. drip drip. the heart misses and the mind refuses to stay put.
type. finger on send. hesitate. erase. type. finger on send. hesitate. erase.
sighs.
